Annual Checkup

The End

Twenty nine years ago, on October 9, 1993, I got married. October 6, 2015 my divorce was final.. seven years ago… a 22 year run. I have tried for years to articulate this feeling. But we know feelings change. Let’s see what today’s expression brings.

PICTURE THIS

Just recently I ran across a couple pictures of myself when I was a child. Though I have no recollection of the day I took those pictures, I see a clear eye innocence. Here’s one:

Zero Drama and zero sorrow. Well the woman I am now is not that little girl anymore and my bucket 🪣 has carried some drama and sorrow. But I thank God for the hole 🕳 in that bucket!!! It weighs too much and so glad I don’t have to carry it.

Facts are I made a decision 💍 to marry the guy I loved. And the girl he married had to make a decision to love me and divorce 💣 him. But I also made decisions prior to marriage that didn’t demonstrate obedience🥺 (my love for God). So in many aspects the collision was a 😵‍💫charted consequence. 🤷🏽‍♀️

I never considered I would get divorced. Boy, talk about tumultuous times!!! Sheezzz. 🤦🏽‍♀️ But I can smile at satan’s rage and face a frowning world. Ultimately, I can see a lot of good out of all that, though. How? Cause I see Jesus in it. He was present even in my disobedience but drawing me with His lovingkindness. James Fortune sings “thankful for the things that I went through (cause) I wouldn’t know You like I do.”

I Wanna Know What Love Is

Yes this forced me to identify love where it wasn’t a being demonstrated. I went to the source, God is Love ❤️ . So I began to see everything that was God and what was not Him, what didn’t demonstrate or obey Him was not love… including self 🤷🏽‍♀️

Said another way, I learned what love is by learning/experiencing what love is not!

When I first examined women in the Bible, I didn’t see women being loved. I’ll break all that down another day. But my dad said, ”God didn’t do that to women, men did”… Meaning a lot of these male/female interactions are biblical, but not Godly! So that put me on a hunt to discover how much God loves women. And THAT is what anchored me. God so loves us. And the truest demonstration of love in return is simply to obey His commandments (John 14:15). In my obedience, I have been the happiest. Yet in my disobedience, that is when the drama and sorrow tried to saturate my bucket. 🤷🏽‍♀️

HAPPY OCTOBER

However. October is a great month for me annually! October 1st Mark’s a day of Truth for me. October 8, 2015 is when I preached my initial public sermon and became a licensed minister.

I wore white then too. 😊

October 21, 2010 was the day I was filled with the Holy Spirit with the evidence of tongues. Hands down the best day of my life… followed by the birth of my children.

The Beginning

As a parent you do a lot of things that are right and wrong. It may take decades to see the fruit from a stubborn child. 🙋🏽‍♀️ Today my pastor preached a sermon entitled “What Forgiveness Is NOT”. It was actually that title that made me remember what 10/9 has been to me. I actually had kinda forgot what the date was and that was a good (moving on) feeling. But the message was a great wink 😉 from God of what forgiveness was not. For I forgave the transgressions day 1 (in The Beginning). Pastor MK said “forgiveness is a decision not a process”. Healing is a process and so is building trust. The enemy taunted me for years telling me that I had not forgiven. Imagine breaking an arm and wearing a cast past your elbow for years after the healing has taken place: itchy, irritating, limited use, limited mobility, imbalanced growth and the smell! 😷 The enemy would rather you live with discomfort in healing than the freedom of wholeness.

I’m in an awesome place. Empty nest. Remote Job, fruitful real estate investments and much more. This month l had Joshua book a room in my airbnb and the next day Caleb rented a room next to him in fhe basement of my home How is THAT for prophetic significance?!!! With that, I believe the report of the Lord. I embrace that what seems bigger than me is actually promised to me. I feel lively and as Caleb said, “More than able to take the land”! #Unbothered

I’m happy to report my heart is good. ✅ Yes it’s taken a couple of bumps but I’m not a 4 wheeler. I wasn’t built for that off road, down in the dirt, mud pit. I’ll keep mine in the middle of the road, stay alert, avoid potholes and keep her clean and park her in the garage of the Strong Tower!

HOW AM I?

When you ask my mom how she’s doing, her reply is “better than I know”. I add “I want to know how well I’m doing”. Today God told me how well through the message that I had to press my way to receive. Thank God for the decision to forgive! For I have tested positive for healing and wholeness. My levels are in good places and I get my dosage of Vitamin GOD via the daily Bread of Life. Oh Taste and see that the Lord is good! Ps 37

SIDE EFFECTS/HIPPA CONSIDERATIONS

There was a time when I, to some, seemed to OD on GOD. I heard things like “don’t become so heavenly minded that you are no earthly good”. Some thought I would become this crazy Jesus woman who was an untouchable man repellent (unsuitable for future submission) and unable to hear counsel. I got their intensions. But back to Psalm 37, David used that crazy God talk to get free from his captor. 🤔

However,I have seen others live the mania of their trauma that these friends were delicately trying to shield me from. However, Dr. God (Jehovah Rapha) truly sustained me. I followed the prescription He gave ME! My vitals indicated that I needed Him above all.

My encouragement to all is simply be kind and loving to people. Pray for not prey on. You know not their triggers. Be the person who puts the hole in the drama bucket not the hole in their soul.

DIAGNOSIS

This checkup is not about the loss of relationship but the reconciliation of one!

Isaiah 54:5 👰🏽 And He’s the best husband/groom ever... removing all this bride‘s spots and wrinkles. Ephesians 5:25-28 And we’ve only just begun! 🥰 #ISHI